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Alternate Lyrics
In our spare time during random acts of either boredom or drunkardness, me and my mates come up with some alternative versions to songs, so thought it was about time I wrote some of them down and also add some others I've found before and thought were funny!
Hi Hoe
By Edward Newman
Hi Hoe, Hi Hoe, Hi Hoe,
Its off to see Claire we go,
With a bottle of rum,
To store the cum,
Hi Hoe, Hi Hoe, Hi Hoe!
Hi Hoe, Hi Hoe, Hi Hoe,
Ifs off to fuck Claire we go,
With a large condom,
For up her bum,
Hi Hoe, Hi Hoe, Hi Hoe!
I'm A Beaver
By Edward Newman
I thought love was only true in fairy tales,
Meant for someone else but not for me,
Love was out to get me,
That's the way it seemed,
Disappointment haunted all my dreams.
Then I cum in his face, now I'm a beaver,
Not a trace of cum in his mouth,
I'm in love, I'm a beaver!
I couldn't leave him if I tried!
I thought sex was more or less a given thing,
Seems the more I tried the less I got,
What's the use in tryin'?
All you get is laid,
When I needed women, I got men.
Then I cum in his face, now I'm a beaver,
Not a trace of cum in his mouth,
I'm in love, I'm a beaver!
I couldn't leave him if I tried!
I Will Survive - Male Version
By Unknown Artist
First I was afraid I was petrified
At the ugly slapper that was lying by my side
I would've drunk a little less
I would've tried to keep my head
If I'd known for just one second you'd
Assault me in your bed.
I tried to go, walk out the door
But you've been sitting on my legs and
I can't feel them anymore
And now you're sitting on my face
My nose has vanished - not a trace
I only hope that you're big knickers aren't
Made of liquorice lace
I want to go, I've got to leave
Before your fat and naked body makes me want to heave
Only hope that no one saw me walking home
With such a slut
God the things that you get up to
When you're half cut
Please let me go, I'm getting scared
There's nothing I can do to stop those ugly
Breasts from being bared.
I think that I must have been mad, God what
Made me want to court her?
With tits that look like Tesco bags I've just
Filled up with water
It's time to go, run out the door
She's started hinting she wants sex on her
Dirty lino floor
I don't think there's anything worse
Than the al-co-hol-ics curse!
I WILL SURVIVE!
I Will Survive - Female Version
By Unknown Artist
At first I was afraid, I was petrified
By the ugly wanker that was lying by my side
I would've drunk a little less, I would've
Tried to keep my head
If I'd know for just one second I'd be in
Your crusty bed...
I tried to go, walk out the door
But I laughed so hard at your small knob that
I've fallen on the floor
Your butts a pimply mess, it's just a broken-out disgrace
But I'd rather look at that, than at your
Fucking ugly face...!
I want to go, I've got to leave
Your talk of chicks and football really makes
Me want to heave.
I only know I've got to stop my drinking
Spirts and the beer
Coz when I looked at you last night, you
Looked just like Richard Gere!
Please let me go, I feel quite sick
We had the worst sex in the world and you're
An ugly prick
I should have shagged your gorgeous mate,
At least he's got a lovely flat
But no I go and trust the booze and now I'm
Stuck with you, you twat.
It's time to go, run out the door.
You look so ugly it should really be against the law.
I'm going to give up all the booze, I'm going
To have no stupid fun
Coz waking up beside your mug, just makes me
Want to be a nun!
I WILL SURVIVE!
Hi Hoe
By Edward Newman
Hi Hoe, Hi Hoe, Hi Hoe,
Its off to see Claire we go,
With a bottle of rum,
To store the cum,
Hi Hoe, Hi Hoe, Hi Hoe!
Hi Hoe, Hi Hoe, Hi Hoe,
Ifs off to fuck Claire we go,
With a large condom,
For up her bum,
Hi Hoe, Hi Hoe, Hi Hoe!
I'm A Beaver
By Edward Newman
I thought love was only true in fairy tales,
Meant for someone else but not for me,
Love was out to get me,
That's the way it seemed,
Disappointment haunted all my dreams.
Then I cum in his face, now I'm a beaver,
Not a trace of cum in his mouth,
I'm in love, I'm a beaver!
I couldn't leave him if I tried!
I thought sex was more or less a given thing,
Seems the more I tried the less I got,
What's the use in tryin'?
All you get is laid,
When I needed women, I got men.
Then I cum in his face, now I'm a beaver,
Not a trace of cum in his mouth,
I'm in love, I'm a beaver!
I couldn't leave him if I tried!
I Will Survive - Male Version
By Unknown Artist
First I was afraid I was petrified
At the ugly slapper that was lying by my side
I would've drunk a little less
I would've tried to keep my head
If I'd known for just one second you'd
Assault me in your bed.
I tried to go, walk out the door
But you've been sitting on my legs and
I can't feel them anymore
And now you're sitting on my face
My nose has vanished - not a trace
I only hope that you're big knickers aren't
Made of liquorice lace
I want to go, I've got to leave
Before your fat and naked body makes me want to heave
Only hope that no one saw me walking home
With such a slut
God the things that you get up to
When you're half cut
Please let me go, I'm getting scared
There's nothing I can do to stop those ugly
Breasts from being bared.
I think that I must have been mad, God what
Made me want to court her?
With tits that look like Tesco bags I've just
Filled up with water
It's time to go, run out the door
She's started hinting she wants sex on her
Dirty lino floor
I don't think there's anything worse
Than the al-co-hol-ics curse!
I WILL SURVIVE!
I Will Survive - Female Version
By Unknown Artist
At first I was afraid, I was petrified
By the ugly wanker that was lying by my side
I would've drunk a little less, I would've
Tried to keep my head
If I'd know for just one second I'd be in
Your crusty bed...
I tried to go, walk out the door
But I laughed so hard at your small knob that
I've fallen on the floor
Your butts a pimply mess, it's just a broken-out disgrace
But I'd rather look at that, than at your
Fucking ugly face...!
I want to go, I've got to leave
Your talk of chicks and football really makes
Me want to heave.
I only know I've got to stop my drinking
Spirts and the beer
Coz when I looked at you last night, you
Looked just like Richard Gere!
Please let me go, I feel quite sick
We had the worst sex in the world and you're
An ugly prick
I should have shagged your gorgeous mate,
At least he's got a lovely flat
But no I go and trust the booze and now I'm
Stuck with you, you twat.
It's time to go, run out the door.
You look so ugly it should really be against the law.
I'm going to give up all the booze, I'm going
To have no stupid fun
Coz waking up beside your mug, just makes me
Want to be a nun!
I WILL SURVIVE!